Post by Fallguy on Apr 20, 2006 14:22:34 GMT -5
As one of the most successful catgirl hunters in the CBT universe, I am often asked what the best method of bagging a catgirl is. I decided that my first post to RPP should be a how-to post.
How to bag a catgirl:
First of all, many people ask, "Why do you hunt catgirls? Aren't they supposed to be cute and all that? Isn't that kinda like hunting kittens?" The answer is quite simple. Catgirls eat logic and physical laws. As they eat physical laws, they use its properties to form a new catgirl. Logic is consumed purely as sustenance. Many myths about catgirls, ehem... breeding... are just that... myths.
When a catgirl is slain, the physical laws that were consumed to form it are released back into the universe, allowing those physical properties to reassert themselves. The logic consumed while the catgirl lived is unfortunately lost to entropy. Fortunately, logic is a renewable resource.
With the catgirl population going unchecked, soon the very fabric of the universe would unravel like a cheap suit. Their overpopulation can lead to Assault 'Mechs doing summersaults, 1,000 ton SHADE (Super-Heavy-Assualt-Dreadnaught-Executioner) 'Mechs rampaging across the Inner Sphere, whole planetary populations packed into a single Overlord-C Dropship, and horror of all horrors...
Lynn Minmei singing the Capellan National Anthem!
Now that we've covered the "why"s, let's get into the "how"s. First of all, many people think that all you need to do is cite some physical law and the catgirl will die. This is not so. One must present the facts of the physical laws in question in such a way as to command their ascent. This is the only way in which the catgirl can be killed.
If one were to for example simply say, "Well, that can't be right. You can't fit that many people in one little ship." all that would happen would be that people would laugh it off as "plausible suspension of disbelief" and the catgirl laughs at you. (right before eating your physics textbooks) You must cite volumetric values for an average human, then grossness test the volume into truly ridiculous levels to demonstrate the absurdity of the concept. At that point the detractors can only fall back on the immortal catgirl of "It's just a game!", but the deed is done. Another catgirl is slain and the universe regains harmonious balance.
Many people will try and kill catgirls by the "shotgun" method. That is, throw out huge volumes of data in hopes that the volume of data will convince people that the author is correct and the catgirl dies. However, this method is not always successful as the vast majority of the time no one will read any of the data and the catgirl will simply change forms, from a catgirl made of physical laws to a catgirl made of BS.
These so-called "catgirls" are insidious as they are not cute at all and many believe these may be the mythical "catguys" that catgirls "breed" with. (for the purpose here, that's what we'll call them to differentiate between the two types) What's more, the BS catguy will eat ten times the logic a normal catgirl will eat. They also have an ability that normal catgirls lack... self defense. They will spew out the BS that formed them in defense of their existence.
In point of fact however, most often the BS that formed them will have a fatal flaw that with careful examination will undermine the whole structure of the mutant catguy and cause it to self-annihilate... often with disastrous results. I recommend that once you have delivered the killing blow you vacate the area immediately as the catguy may explode into a firestorm of flames and venom.
DO NOT LET THE CATGUY DRAG YOU DOWN WITH IT!!! It can only lead to your own death or, if you're lucky, a temporary ban.
The best place to look for catgirls is where they find their most comfort... in the fiction section. It is here that they are most at ease and comfortable, especially if it's not hard science fiction.
To bait the catgirl is difficult, as they are frightened easily. If you move in too quickly and assertively, you may find that the catgirl is well protected by a throng of admirer fanboys. Yes, they are usually all geeky types who won't put up much of a fight on their own, but like pack animals they can be dangerous in numbers. It is best to wait the fanboys out and strike when they are not looking. By the time they can summon help, it will be too late. You will have bagged your catgirl!
I hope this essay has been helpful to the curious catgirl hunter. If you're a fanboy, might I suggest the following link...
Lynn Minmei Life Size Poster at www.robotech.com
Thank you for your time!
(no catgirls were harmed in the writing of this post... unfortunately)
How to bag a catgirl:
First of all, many people ask, "Why do you hunt catgirls? Aren't they supposed to be cute and all that? Isn't that kinda like hunting kittens?" The answer is quite simple. Catgirls eat logic and physical laws. As they eat physical laws, they use its properties to form a new catgirl. Logic is consumed purely as sustenance. Many myths about catgirls, ehem... breeding... are just that... myths.
When a catgirl is slain, the physical laws that were consumed to form it are released back into the universe, allowing those physical properties to reassert themselves. The logic consumed while the catgirl lived is unfortunately lost to entropy. Fortunately, logic is a renewable resource.
With the catgirl population going unchecked, soon the very fabric of the universe would unravel like a cheap suit. Their overpopulation can lead to Assault 'Mechs doing summersaults, 1,000 ton SHADE (Super-Heavy-Assualt-Dreadnaught-Executioner) 'Mechs rampaging across the Inner Sphere, whole planetary populations packed into a single Overlord-C Dropship, and horror of all horrors...
Lynn Minmei singing the Capellan National Anthem!
Now that we've covered the "why"s, let's get into the "how"s. First of all, many people think that all you need to do is cite some physical law and the catgirl will die. This is not so. One must present the facts of the physical laws in question in such a way as to command their ascent. This is the only way in which the catgirl can be killed.
If one were to for example simply say, "Well, that can't be right. You can't fit that many people in one little ship." all that would happen would be that people would laugh it off as "plausible suspension of disbelief" and the catgirl laughs at you. (right before eating your physics textbooks) You must cite volumetric values for an average human, then grossness test the volume into truly ridiculous levels to demonstrate the absurdity of the concept. At that point the detractors can only fall back on the immortal catgirl of "It's just a game!", but the deed is done. Another catgirl is slain and the universe regains harmonious balance.
Many people will try and kill catgirls by the "shotgun" method. That is, throw out huge volumes of data in hopes that the volume of data will convince people that the author is correct and the catgirl dies. However, this method is not always successful as the vast majority of the time no one will read any of the data and the catgirl will simply change forms, from a catgirl made of physical laws to a catgirl made of BS.
These so-called "catgirls" are insidious as they are not cute at all and many believe these may be the mythical "catguys" that catgirls "breed" with. (for the purpose here, that's what we'll call them to differentiate between the two types) What's more, the BS catguy will eat ten times the logic a normal catgirl will eat. They also have an ability that normal catgirls lack... self defense. They will spew out the BS that formed them in defense of their existence.
In point of fact however, most often the BS that formed them will have a fatal flaw that with careful examination will undermine the whole structure of the mutant catguy and cause it to self-annihilate... often with disastrous results. I recommend that once you have delivered the killing blow you vacate the area immediately as the catguy may explode into a firestorm of flames and venom.
DO NOT LET THE CATGUY DRAG YOU DOWN WITH IT!!! It can only lead to your own death or, if you're lucky, a temporary ban.
The best place to look for catgirls is where they find their most comfort... in the fiction section. It is here that they are most at ease and comfortable, especially if it's not hard science fiction.
To bait the catgirl is difficult, as they are frightened easily. If you move in too quickly and assertively, you may find that the catgirl is well protected by a throng of admirer fanboys. Yes, they are usually all geeky types who won't put up much of a fight on their own, but like pack animals they can be dangerous in numbers. It is best to wait the fanboys out and strike when they are not looking. By the time they can summon help, it will be too late. You will have bagged your catgirl!
I hope this essay has been helpful to the curious catgirl hunter. If you're a fanboy, might I suggest the following link...
Lynn Minmei Life Size Poster at www.robotech.com
Thank you for your time!
(no catgirls were harmed in the writing of this post... unfortunately)
