Thanks for the advice. However…

[Munchkinman]

Oh Infinitely Wise Dashukta. I humbly ask for more golden words of your priceless truth.

The other day, I happened to be measuring the stripes on an unsedated tiger. (See my previous post.) The unenlightened beast devoured my left arm and my right thumb. My blessing from this is that I lost weight. However, I have a new concern. There are certain body parts that itch and I am now unable to scratch them. Surprisingly, neither my roommate nor my brother are willing to help. I have not succumbed to despair, for recently I have heard a wonderful rumor.

Oh Master of the Universal Secrets, is it true that Mr. Pathetic will scratch almost anything for a buck?

[Mr. Pathetic]

Does anyone feel that ban?

[Great Dashukta Master]

See? I told you you would lose the inches fast. As for your question, yes and no. It is true Mr. Pathetic will scratch almost anything--scratch-n-snif cards, lottery tickets, dustmites, hamster heads, the occasional kittycat ears-- his price for such service is certainly not a buck (not the dollar or the artiodactyl). Recieving a scratch from Mr. Pathetic is, more often than not, free of charge. The stipulation is that you must be either an inanimate object that requires scratching as part of operational protocol, a small animal (preferably mammal), or (if human) a close personal friend. And then, you must ask V.E.R.Y. nicely.